jonathan came over yesterday

I was talking to him on the net yesterday, and I asked in passing whether he wanted to come visit sometime. He said yes, and that he wasn’t doing anything today (i.e. yesterday - are you following?! :P). So I said why don’t you come.

So he came over about 6 on the train, we went out to a pizza express restaurant, had a bit of a chat, then went home. Then we went back into town with Ben and Danny, because Ben wanted some more beer (as usual), then we went back home and watched some dvds.

I haven’t seen J since we were going out – we’ve texted, talked online and on the phone once or twice, but never met. I’ve had opportunities to meet – like at the end of year show, but I’ve never felt comfortable enough with the idea to actually meet him. This time I was finally ready for it.

The four of us watched a Jack Dee stand up comedy thing, and then Sin City. By the end of the night (about 2am), Danny had already gone to bed (early start), so me and J went up to bed.

Then we had a long chat about the fact that he had come a long way and I hadn’t really spent a lot of time with him, and that my friends had been more welcoming than I had. I said that I don’t like missing out on opportunities to see my friends – if I was sat upstairs and they were downstairs I’d miss them and want to be with them. I think he understood that. Then we got on to an ‘ex’ type conversation, and some other stuff – we did have a few laughs and chats about old times. We went to sleep about 4am (me in the bed, him on the floor – just to be clear).

I didn’t sleep well. It’s a bit of a weird situation really. We woke up about 8.30am, I was still dozing really. The night before we said we’d go down to breakfast and I asked Ben for a knock in the morning. I wasn’t awake enough for breakfast, so when Ben came up at about 9am I just said morning to him and didn’t have breakfast.

J went for a shower, came back, had a hug and then left. He said he could work out the way back to the station.

All in all, a weird night. Don’t know what he wanted or expected really. We did talk about Laurence – he said I sounded head over heels for him hehe :P *blushes* maybe I do smile a lot more when I talk about him ;) I don’t know when I’ll next see J, maybe he’ll come over again sometime – but I don’t think he’d really need to stay if he came in the day. If he came at night again I think he’d get annoyed again by me spending time with Ben and Danny.

My reasoning was J could still spend time with me while I spend time with my friends. I can understand that I did pay much more attention to them than to him – “my bad” as Ben would say hehe.

I like being friends with him, but I don't know if he can be a 'neutral' friend to me - I can to him because I know I only want him as a friend. Maybe it'll just take time. It was strange to be on the other side of the conversation for a change – someone wanting to be with me and getting jealous of my other friends, that’s usually what I say to other people. I’m glad it’s this way round for a change in some ways.

Although I do feel sorry for J that he feels like he hasn’t got a lot of friends – mainly because either old friends have drifted away, people he’s friendly with aren’t people he could confide in, or he doesn’t trust people enough (like me). I know I don’t think I could be a ‘best’ friend for him, there’s too much between us stopping it. But I would be there for him so he’s not alone. And I’d listen to any problem he had.