I can really see this blog of mine turning into a whiney, annoying thing. I only seem to get one person visiting at the mo, don’t know if other people come and don’t leave messages.
Anyway, been having a bad week. I think it’s having a bad day right at the start if the week sort of knocks me off balance for the rest of the week. Been trying to work but it’s not going well. Try to start but then I have to get out my stuff, find a subject, sit down and paint it blah blah....it’s harder work than people imagine.
My work’s not so good either. When I’m not in the mood, everything just turns out wrong. I knock out pieces that aren’t anything to speak of. Been doing this large scale piece since Tuesday. It’s about a metre long I suppose, on some fabric. It’s an abstracty water thing that I’ve been trying out on a small scale so far.
I had a dream/nightmare about it last night. It’s basically lots of blue shades in small brush strokes. I have built up the colours in four layers. And it’s big. So it gets repetitive and it takes a long time. So last night I was doing it in my sleep – blue brush stroke over and over! Hehe! So dedicated I even paint in my sleep :P
There’s still a nagging thought in my head that says “what’s the point”. I’ve done so much already, and one part of me says do more and the other part says, but it’s not any good anyway so why bother. Today the why bother is taking over. I should be working but I just can’t. There’s no motivation.
Think it’s because of home life and stuff. It’s all “ok” here but that’s it. We live together but we don’t really enjoy each other’s company 24 hours a day. Plus I don’t seem to get a lot of support. I need people to say my work is good, especially when unis have turned me down over it, and Especially from my family who are supposed to like whatever you do. They just seem to get annoyed because all my stuff is out all the time and it’s a bit of a mess. But that’s only cos there’s nowhere else to put it.
If I do a piece of work and either no-one says anything, or they just sort of acknowledge it, then there’s no point me even doing it.
5 comments:
Can I say that "Your work is good" a googol times to improve your confidence? I am sure you are talented, and probably there are more people that are similarly talented and hence your work seem to be ignored. What you have is a temporary feeling, you will feel better soon.
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no i'm not bothered about people looking at this, it's for me really. if people want to read it then that's up to them.
and thanks for sayin my works good ;) doesn't really work like that but i know you mean well ;)
Can I say that "Your work is good" a googol times to improve your confidence?
and thanks for sayin my works good ;) doesn't really work like that but i know you mean well ;)
oops, did you mean, my English is wrong? English is not my first language.
no your English is great!
i meant, it's nice to hear people compliment work but it doesn't instantly make me feel better.
hmm, I see what you mean.
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