pete

Recently been kind of liking Pete. He’s always been there in the background a bit, popping up every now and again saying I’m cute, or for hugs etc.

The last couple of Monday nights though he’s ended up back at mine until something like 4am, talking and stuff. He said he thinks he wants to go out with me but isn’t sure. I wasn’t sure either. In fact I was all set to say no if he asked.

But I think about him all the time now. He’s got me hooked somehow, and I don’t know why. He’s just so nice to me. He’s a nice guy.

On Friday it was the final of Ben’s poker tournament. Pete was in it (woo!) but ben wasn’t allowing spectators for the final (hehe being sooooo serious about all of it :P silly boy). After he got knocked out (5th out of 17, pretty good) I heard him talking downstairs and really wanted to see him. So I went, I was just in my painting jeans and a vesty top thing, he said I looked “great as ever”. And he hugged me. One of Those hugs. It felt amazing.

Everything I wanted right at that moment, I got. I was close to him, he thought I looked great even when it was midnight and I was in my normal clothes. It was just for a couple of minutes, then he left. He didn’t even kiss me. But I couldn’t have asked for more.

I almost floated back to my room, I had on soppy songs (a folder in My Music called ‘bed stuff’ hehehe) and I just lay on my bed just thinking about him. I was happy.

I haven’t been happy in a long time. Sam said night to me, and I kind of tilted my head and said ‘night’ and even to me it sounded dreamy hehe can’t imagine what she thought – doubt she thought anything to be honest :P but still.

But. When you wake up from a dream, you’re just a person alone in a bed. Metaphor dear, metaphor.

In the morning it hit me that it was just a hug. I don’t think he wants to be with me. Surely if someone wants to be with something they Just Do It, how much time to think does someone need. I thought back to seeing him on Friday, and I was content. Happy. I was close to him, he touched me. More ways than one. I didn’t even need to kiss him, that hug was everything – everything I had been hoping for, I knew he was in the same building as me and was hoping I’d see him. And I did. And it was great.

I wish he was my boyfriend. I miss him.