eBay sucks ass

I'm definitely getting sorted out with my own ecommerce cart thingy for my site, because eBay is driving me f*&%ing crazy.

All you get time after time is the same types of people over and over and over again.

After being a constant user for a number of months, I have a pretty good mental catalogue of the types of ba$tard$…sorry, “people”, you get on there. Here goes, in no particular order.

1. The Bargain Hunter / Thief

This is the type that wants everything for rock bottom prices. They actually want you to pay them for taking away your things, it’s gotten this bad. They also want you to gift wrap it in gold leaf, bring it round in a carriage pulled by unicorns, and they want it yesterday because you also have to be a mind reader (or maybe God Himself).

Some woman planning her wedding emailed me the other day wanting some paper roses. To fill this order I’d have to order in some extra, which I’d do if it meant a sale. I quoted her a price; she said it was too expensive. Even though it’s the same as anywhere else on the web (cheaper in most cases, I made sure I’ve done my homework!) and way cheaper than she’d pay in a physical craft shop.

My advice was that my prices are fair and reasonable, I’d be filling this order especially for her if she wanted me to, and that she was free to shop elsewhere if she didn’t like it (i.e. sod off and leave me the hell alone, you cheap skate).


2. The Pedantic Idiot

This person wants to know whether what you call “green” is actually “Jade Green”, because for their latest project they need this exact colour and all other shades of green be hanged.

Obviously some magazine has told them Jade Green paper is the only thing to be making cards out of this season and anything less is just mulch. As if sick granny in hospital will mind if her get well card is jade green or sap green or just f&^%ing green. As if your seven year old niece cares that her birthday card is fuchsia pink as opposed to fairy pink.

The latest pedantic idiot in my inbox is someone who bought some orange nylon flowers, and when they got to her they were peach. OMG, peach?! How dare I deliver this pig swill through her letterbox. “Peach, I think you’ll agree, is worlds apart from orange”. Well…..yeahhhhh, butttttt……

I explained that colour is opinion and I describe the flowers as orange, my suppliers describe them as orange, the manufacturers describe them as orange, the Photo for all eyes to see including hers shows they are Orange. This is also going to cost me a refund and postage just to stub out a possible negative feedback.


3. The Overly Apologetic

Speaking of feedback, this person is afraid of it, cowers from it in a corner, and generally wants it to go away and leave her alone.

This can be buyer or seller, and this has only arisen due to the silly feedback system and how territorial it is.

Someone paid me a day after an item finished. ONE day, I didn’t even notice, accompanied by an email saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I usually pay immediately, sorry again I’m so sorry”.

Listen, Mrs, one day IS immediate. I’m not making notes about the amount of seconds it took from the item ending to you paying so I can write it down in my feedback report. “Tick tock, oooo you took 250 seconds this time, that’ll cost you BIG”.

Unfortunately I’m guilty of this one too, simply because of all the “2. Pedantic Idiots” out there who might give me a bad rating because their opinion of orange is not the same as mine. I’d rather appease them than incur their wrath.


4. The Illiterate

Either they can’t read the description, can’t see the picture, don’t bother to read terms and conditions or just ask dumb, silly and stupid questions which are clearly stated in the listing. This wastes so much time, and more importantly, money due to refunds because some people just don’t read what they are getting before they get it and it’s not what they want.

For example, “what condition are your items in?”.

Um, hello, I’m a shop. You don’t go into Currys and say, “excuse me, is this T.V. new?” Or W.H.Smiths “so this newspaper that has today’s date on, that’s from today right?”

All my stuff is brand new, it says it in the listing And in the top bit under ‘Item condition’. Why would I sell stuff that isn’t new? Worst thing is that particular Illiterate didn’t even buy the thing (£$$^%£%^!”!!!!!!!!). Maybe they wanted an old one.

Maybe I’ll start putting “once owned by the late Shania Twain”.


5. The Rip Off Merchant

These people overcharge for postage because either: they didn’t get their price at auction so they’re bumping it up, they’re abroad and people assume it’ll be expensive even when it probably won’t be, they simply want to rake off the profits without it being charged with fees.

Fair enough about the fees, eBay are extortionate, and raking money from postage costs is only viable when your item went for a silly low price like under £1. THEN, I don’t mind putting some money in the person’s pocket as opposed to rich ba$tard eBay’s pocket. BUT if they did get a fair price for their item, and Then they’re overcharging, that’s just trying it on.

I bought a couple of books, they were about £3 each, and the person charged me £4.50 for postage. I send about 10 parcels a day so I know this is way too much, I did email them to negotiate – this is as low as they’d go. It actually cost £2.49 to post, in a crappy wrapper. Rip Off Merchant. They got a neutral. Don’t mess with me on eBay :P

My postage charges go straight into the pocket of Royal Mail, and Mr Envelope, i.e. whoever I bought my packing materials from. I charge the minimum, Minimum I can get away with without losing money, and still people on eBay class anyone who doesn’t give stuff away for nothing, a rip off merchant. Ugh, what can you do?





When your living is governed by people buying stuff off you, it tends to get frustrating running across annoying people all the time. I think more people need to take a step back from eBay and just look at what they’re really doing.

Yes, it’s a global car boot sale, basically, meaning you Can pick up bargains if something is second hand. BUT, people also do have legitimate businesses on there, with real, good quality and brand new products on sale, and are only trying to get a fair price for them.

So next time you start slipping into one of the categories, think before you type out an irate email. The person on the other end is only another person too and neither of you need the stress or hassle of trying to get one over on each other.

Just needed to blow off steam about this today!!



And now I’ve said all that, come to Arts and Crafts Heaven and cut me some slack!