bridezilla

Today, apropos of nothing, I was reading my normal news and celeb tittle tattle type news (btw I only read such bilge because my brain post-sleep is mostly mush anyway and I think I kind of have to learn how to read again every morning by seeing what some B-lister named their baby or who wore red for the Oscars or something... anyhoo...) I stumbled across an article online about why men don’t propose.

Here is a direct quote, and a rather worrying thing to be telling people.

He thinks things are fine as they are. There’s an old Indian saying “Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?”. If you’re already living together, he has all the comforts of marriage – sex, cuddles, emotional support etc. - without the ties, responsibilities or financial burdens. You can’t really blame him for thinking things are fine just the way they are.

What to do: Kate Taylor, relationship expert has this advice: “If you live together but you’d rather be married, you’ll have to get super-tough. Calmly ask him his intentions and if it’s to leave things as they are, move out. If it’s to marry you “one day,” ask him to name that day. If he stalls, ask him to move out as you both need time to think. In all cases, don’t see him again until he’s ready to propose, with a ring and a date. Don’t wimp out: the legal support women get from marriage (and divorce) is still head and shoulders above living together. The law might change but it will take many years. There is no legal status of “common-law wife”, you’re either married or single.”

I think this is a funny attitude to have on this subject. This is a little “Bridget Jonesy”, and frankly – scary.

I’m just thinking about the writer of the article, and the ‘relationship expert’ asked to comment (maybe we women are supposed to have different rules about things that nobody told me about?).

I wonder what this person would think if they were sitting in their very comfortable home and their significant other came in and said something along the lines of: “Listen, I know we already live together but I’m going to move out now until you come back with a piece of metal and carbon that costs two months salary which would pay more than six months worth of our joint mortgage. Then I’ll happily come back, put all my stuff back into all the cupboards it was originally in anyway, and we can live happily ever after in a new, more legally stable relationship”.

Let me tell you – a will, a life insurance policy and a joint mortgage do have legal status just as much as a marriage certificate. What exactly are the ‘financial burdens’ of a marriage, pray tell, apart from the expense of catering to your bridezilla’s need of a ring and a party? Perhaps marriage does make things easier as far as legal proceedings, but to be actually mentioning legal things in terms of divorce doesn’t give me great hope for this relationship expert.

I think someone actually willing to move out, or kick out, their partner if they wouldn’t set a date for proposal, is pretty strange and delusional to Real Life. Maybe that person needs to take a step back and ask why it is so important to them, not their partner.

Shouldn't any relationship be based on feelings? Love? Companionship?

There are plenty of people who are married on paper, but there is nothing there between them and all that is left is the fact that once upon a time they stood up and told each other that they were now married, and bought a house that they still live in.

I would be lying if I didn’t say it scared me that maybe it’s true that ‘common-law wife’ doesn’t actually mean anything apart from socially. However, that doesn’t mean I would set my life topsy turvy just because one day it might be important I have some legal rights.

The bottom line is – shouldn’t this type of relationship issue be discussed, rather than ultimatums being declared? Is the basis of a long and happy marriage really legal rights and shotguns?

I’d love to be married.

But for the following reasons; to solidify my relationship not define it, to have it known to the world that it even existed, to know that he is actually committed, to see what all the fuss is about, and the High Fidelity thing - so I can think about something else.