bald patches and babies

I thought that would be a good title for a book. People I once kissed at parties now have bald patches and babies.

Can I be honest for a minute? Yeah of course, I'm always honest, and this is my blog so I'm just going to play it where it lays for once.

Everytime I see that an old friend or ex has got married or had a baby I die a little inside. Oh yes there I've said it.

I had the pleasure of seeing some such scan picture just today, and it brings out all kinds of feelings and emotions in me that I'd rather not have, and that I don't know how to deal with.

I think this one in particular brings back memories of things I thought of on a bus journey about seven and a bit years ago. I had a fretful and significant two week stretch of time thinking all kinds of irrational things about the next year of my life. Whether life would be as I'd planned. Whether I'd even be able to contemplate uni as I'd hoped. Whether in nine months I'd have a tiny person with a dimpled chin. All of the above plus I'd have to deal with it all alone, and with a 'recently dumped' brain in gear. Yes it was irrational, but necessary to think about it all at the time.

Now I have to look at a scan picture of a real life baby two months in the making, and I'm thinking 'will it have a dimpled chin?'. It also got a whopping 105 likes. Yes we truly live in the facebook age.

I don't want to live vicariously, and for the most part I don't. The things I flinch about seeing photos of on facebook are things that other people do.

But doesn't that make it a little bit worse? That these are things other people do, and I will never do?

I read recently someone writing on a blog of a friend that had died at 18, and of all the things she'd never do. She'd never have the excitement of putting the key in the door of her first house, never get ready for her wedding, never hold her new born. All I was thinking while reading was 'I'm still alive, and I'll never do any of those things'. Why did she have to choose those things as the things that make someone's life exciting and meaningful?